Spooky Ghoul's Halloween Alley

     So it all started on an extremely hot day. I mean I was sweating my tail off man, when I was walking through the woods looking for innocent little cute critters to rip the heads off of. All of a sudden nature called and I had to stop and take a piss. While relieving myself I happened to look up and see a girl in red. As I stared at how delicious looking she was I pissed all over myself. I thought about just jumping out and killing her saying "Surprise! Now you die... sorry." but I didn't. That would have been too easy, so I decided to have a chat with her. I was a special wolf and had the ability to talk to humans in their language.

     I jumped out from behind the tree, slipped on a rock and fell on my face. After I pulled it together I stood up and told her not to be afraid of me (even though I made a complete idiot of myself). I then asked her what she was doing in a dangerous woods like this, alone and helpless, carrying such a delicious smelling basket. She gave me this weird look and said she was told not to talk to strangers even if they weren't human. I then asked her what her name was, she told me, and I introduced myself and told her now that we know each other we aren't strangers. Falling for the trick, she told me where she was headed and I knew exactly where she was going. I told her there was a shorter way to Grandma's house. Instead of taking the left way at the fork, take the right and you'll save yourself some time that way. She said thanks and went on her way down the path I told her to take, which is really twice as long as the other way.

     I took the shorter way to her Grandma's house. Upon reaching Little Red's Grandma's house, I busted the door down and said "Surprise Granny! Now you die! Sorry!" I then proceded to eat her alive while she screamed in horror.

     Going over to one of the old broads closets, I slipped into some of her pj's. I looked very stylin' as I checked myself out in the mirror. As I checked myself out in the mirror I heard that stupid little girl singing, so I knew she was going to be here soon.

     I hopped into the old woman's bed, and then heard a knock on the door. I told her to come in, in my sweet little old lady voice. She came in and saw me lying in the bed. She said that I sounded a little funy and I told her I was not feeling well, using the little old lady voice.

     Then as she came closer she said, "My, Grandma! What big eyes, ears and nose you have!" After she said that I got pissed 'cause no one says that kind of stuff to me and gets to live. Then she said, "What a big mouth you have" in her sweet innocent voice.

     That was the final straw and I replied, "The better to eat you with!" in my regular wolf voice. She screamed and ran as I lashed out after her. I chased her around in the house and we ended up in the kitchen. She then threw a loaf of bread at me and I thought to myself, "Honestly, who throws and loaf of bread in this type of situation?" I finally got a hold of one of her legs. With one quick snap of my jaw, her leg was broken.

     In the "original" story, a lumberjack comes in at this point splitting me in half, rescuing the old woman and Little Red Riding Hood. Well, this isn't the "original" story, and I have the happy ending.

     After I broke the little girls leg she said in a scared voice, "Please Mr. Wolf, don't kill me". I replied, "Isn't that cute. I'm touched. I think I'll let you live after all. Ah, the hell with that, I'm gonna eat you anyways!" No lumberjack came to rescue her from her fate.

     I was starting to become an old wolf, so I decided to keep the old woman's house. Since the house was the perfect vacation spot, alot of real estate people came to visit it, so I had a great house, free food, and I lived happily ever after.

The Doctor Is In

The Doctor is in,

A scalpel in his hand.

He likes to experiment,

He's the creepiest Doc in the land.

Pieces and parts all over the place,

An arm and a leg, a finger or two,

Whatever you're missing

He'll attach it to you.

If you're not missing a thing,

But want to be uniquely you,

Stop in and see him,

He'll gladly give you something new. 

                                        Another poem written by me

The cave was very dark,

I lost my light and couldn’t see a thing.

Something came at me from behind,

And I felt an awful sting.

It crawled up my back,

And bit the top of my head.

I pulled it off, stomped on it,

And squashed it good and dead.

I looked for the way out,

And finally made it to the light.

I felt the top of my head,

It was swollen and sore from that bite.

I made it to my home,

My head had swollen twice its size.

I looked in the mirror,

And couldn’t believe my eyes!

The top of my head was purple,

The bite was dripping green ooze.

Hiking alone in an old dark cave,

Was the wrong Halloween outing to choose.

I hopped in the shower,

Tried to wash the wound clean.

But it just popped open,

The ooze covered me, all smelly and green.

Something in my head was moving,

I could feel it wiggle and squirm.

I reached up and tried to grab it,

But it was like a slimy worm.

I fell out of the shower,

The thing plopped onto the floor.

I looked up just in time,

To see it crawl out of the door.

I didn’t know what it was,

So I got up and followed it.

It crawled through the woods,

Back to where I was first bit.

The cave was its home,

By instinct it knew its way.

I went back when my head healed,

For what it did to me, this thing had to pay!

This time I was well supplied,

And I brought a group of friends.

We finally found its nest,

After many twists and bends.

This creature was a mixture,

Of a spider and a snake.

My friends wanted to capture it,

But kill it we must, for Heavens sake!

The creature started to sway,

My friends watched as if in a trance.

It was busy luring my friends,

I have to kill it and this is my chance.

I made my way behind it,

With my axe I’d chop it in half.

Awful pain struck again,

But this time in my calf!

Another creature bit me!

How many of them are here?!?

All my friends are screaming,

They’ve all been bitten, I fear.

The creatures have backed off,

My heart begins to mourn.

It only takes a few minutes,

For the new creatures to be born.

We must get out,

Or we’ll be bitten more.

We need to get out and warn others,

About an alien invasion war!